a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
