i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
