I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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