I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
