worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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