and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
