love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
