I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
