Dual....:-)
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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