I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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