my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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