matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
