I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
