what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
