tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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