bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
