i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
