Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
