You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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