I wish my penis had an off switch
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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