I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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