then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
two words...techno handjob
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
