i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
