You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
