I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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