dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
