I wanna bring you to show and tell
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
