people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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