I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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