New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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