What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
