I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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