ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
