I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
