I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
