Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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