end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
