I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
