I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
