it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize