Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
last night I used snow as a chaser
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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