And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
