i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
