I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
