Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
