your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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