I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
