dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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