accomplished twins. life is a go
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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