I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
