ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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