You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
