i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
