i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
