She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
