I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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