We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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