I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
