why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
