So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
