Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i will never coherently bang her
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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