You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I am available for nakedness
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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