R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
