youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
