my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
