He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
