I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
