You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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