Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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