OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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