i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
