Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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