my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
