I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
