I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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