i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
