If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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