I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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