Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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