Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
