You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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