I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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