in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
