Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize