wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
