I can tuck mytits in my pants
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
