You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
