I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
