i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
