At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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