my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize