My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
