mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
