Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
