My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
