I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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