these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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