You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
