why didn't you poke me back
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think people are normalizing furries
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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