I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
