worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
